


Typo the Dog

by MoreHuman



Series: The Dog [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dogs, Ficlet, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoreHuman/pseuds/MoreHuman
Summary: “Are you ready to go see Ted?”Patrick is one of those people who uses his regular, human voice with all animals, so David is truly not sure which of them he’s talking to.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: The Dog [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596469
Comments: 95
Kudos: 287





	Typo the Dog

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Distractivate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distractivate/gifts).



> Distractivate expressed interest in this deleted scene from “I Would Teach My Feet to Fly” and I figured I owed her something non-murderous, so here we are.

The puppy is cute? 

The puppy is cute. It’s chubby, and wriggly, and it has big ears that sometimes stand up and sometimes flop down. It’s a shade of gray that the woman at the shelter called “blue,” which is just pretentious enough. David respects anyone who can pull off a signature neutral. It’s obsessed with getting its mouth onto Patrick’s face, which is an impulse David certainly understands, even if he can’t approve of how willing it is to shred knitwear under its claws to get there. 

Crouching outside the vet clinic, Patrick responds to the latest act of obsession by trying to reason the puppy into a sitting position.

“Oh. Hey. Let’s not– Just put– Just put your feet– And then– There. Now you get ear scritches. Isn’t that better?”

 _Scritches._ The puppy is cute, and even if the puppy weren’t cute, the puppy is staying. Because Patrick is cute with the puppy.

“Are you ready to go see Ted?” 

Patrick is one of those people who uses his regular, human voice with all animals, so David is truly not sure which of them he’s talking to. Best to respond in a general sense, just in case.

“Let’s–” he tries to swallow his distaste for these proceedings. It still doesn’t bring anything resembling excitement to the surface. “Let’s go.”

“You remember your lines?”

David feels safe assuming the question is for him this time.

“My mother always advised me to never be fully off book. Keeps things exciting in the moment.”

“Yes, I’ve heard.” Patrick smirks. “I can assure you she only accepts that artistic license when _she’s_ the one expected to be off book.”

He stands up. The puppy hops slightly, despairing at this new, insurmountable distance between their faces.

“In case you were wondering,” David hisses as Patrick holds the door open for him, “this is without a doubt the least sexy fantasy I’ve ever acted out.”

“Oh, I wasn’t wondering. I was counting on it. That’s why they call it _losing_ a bet, David.”

Ted’s behind the desk in the waiting room and there are a few people in the chairs holding cat carriers. There always seem to be people with cat carriers in here. It’s creepy.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite–” But they’ll never find out which of them is Ted’s favorite what, because then he spots the puppy. “Oh my gosh! Who’s this little guy?”

Ted kneels down on the floor, and the gusto with which the puppy goes after this new face makes David feel offended on Patrick’s behalf.

“This is your new favorite patient, Typo,” Patrick says. 

“No…” Ted looks like he’s just been introduced to Santa Claus. He gazes around the waiting room like he thinks the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy might pop out of one of the cat carriers. “This is my two o’clock? The neuter?”

“Yes,” David says stiffly. He scowls at his husband, who has the nerve to mouth along with the next bit. “Would you please… fix our Typo?”

Patrick beams like a stage mom, but Ted’s reaction still outdoes him for ridiculousness. He looks up at David with tears in his eyes, bringing his hands to steeple over his mouth in perfect pageant-winner pose. Ted stands up and embraces him like a brother, which David guesses he is.

“It would be my honor,” he whispers.

“Um. Yep.” David hopes agreement and a couple back-pats will help this, whatever it is, be over faster. “Yep it will.”

“Listen, bud.” Ted’s on the floor again speaking to the dog in his “pup talk” voice, which David is appalled to learn he can recognize. “I know this might seem a little scary and uncomfortable at first, but I promise it’s going to be all right in the end. We’ll have such a great story to tell together.”

Patrick fills out some paperwork, and Ted tells them when to come back for pick-up. He leads the puppy into the back room, still sniffing back tears as he workshops some new material under his breath.

“Everyone, this is Typo. But don’t worry, I fixed him! Or maybe… Hey everyone, I fixed this Typo!”

“So,” David says once they’re back out on the sidewalk. “That paragon of emotional stability is about to stick a knife into our dog.”

“Yeah,” Patrick winces. “I didn’t really think that through.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Typo the Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067483) by [DelilahMcMuffin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelilahMcMuffin/pseuds/DelilahMcMuffin)
  * [[Podfic] Typo the Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28239456) by [GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodOfLaundryBaskets/pseuds/GoLBPodfics)




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